I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

The understanding, is that now I need to remember to use this blog for university. Just random ramblings, but also some work. So I'm going to try and post every day, if not every week.
Sometimes it feels a bit odd, talking to no one. I don't browse blogspot enough to know that many blogs to get my name out there, which means that I don't think anyone will actually ever read this unless my class decides to follow me.
A breakdown of what has happened since my last blog post.

• More arguments with the Slovakian house mates. Over them being ridiculously loud and just generally messy and annoying.
• I went home for Christmas, which was lovely; a little quite, but lovely nonetheless.
• Almost didn't come back to University.
• Turned 20!
• Didn't even get drunk...
• Came back to Uni and didn't even have to start for 2 weeks.
• One of my house mates asked me why I was wearing odd socks, and she was wearing socks and sandals. Hypocrite.
• Started classes again.

Since starting back at university, I've actually found out that the girl I was going to move in with next year, actually might not be here next year. So I'm in exactly the same position that I ended up in before I came here, meaning that until someone tells me what is going on, I'm probably going to have no one to live with next year, which sucks big time.

I got a little upset again over the fact that I'm not actually in halls, as its extremely hard trying to make a close bond with people that I only see 3 days a week for a few hours, and although I've made a small group of friends I'm still struggling.

In all honesty, coming to university was probably one of the best things I have ever done, although I do sometimes sit and think about whether this course is the right one for me. It's not that I particularly struggle. But with all the competition, I really don't think that I'm going to stand out enough to try and get a decent job, let alone the job that I really want in MTV studios. It may just be me being overly critical of all of my work (which I am known to do quite a lot), but sometimes I sit here and wonder if I'm actually going to pass this course let alone be a successful journalist.

Just a few quick thoughts so that I have actually posted a blog, but this blog will now also show my attempts of journalism stories, music reviews (if I ever like them enough to post them) and just general news stories with my opinions.

I'll give it a go anyway I suppose.

Too young to notice, and too dumb to care.

If I was completely honest, I would say that I'm actually starting to really struggle in this house. It seems to be all I talk about at the moment, constantly complaining, and constantly upset about it.

It's not like I don't like the Bulgarian girls, because they're lovely, and seem to dislike the Slovakian girls as much as I do. But sometimes I genuinely feel like I can't cope with it any more. Meaning that I've actually been looking at moving into halls. My problems started with the bills, and people not paying. And escalated meaning that at the moment, I can't leave anything of mine lying around. Things that I've brought with me here, such as scissors, and my can opener, cutlery; stuff of which if it were their's they wouldn't let me use, somehow always go missing, and when I ask them I get responses such as "I don't understand what you're talking about" or "I don't know what that is."

Sometimes I wonder whether trying to stick out living in this house is worth it. Despite the fact that I know its affecting me hugely, making me cry, making me never want to come back to this house.

My only problem is that if I do move out, I've technically broken my contract and I lose my £300 deposit, and if I do move into halls, despite the fact I'll be happier, its a lot more money.

Speaking to my teachers about it is hard, and I know its affecting the work I can do because it's making me more and more upset.

This blog is basically going to be everything now. From how I feel, to things that happen in this house. Some of it will be funny, and some of it may be taken completely out of context, but I need a place to talk about it, and I feel bad on my new friends for continuously complaining to them.

This is getting so bad now I've genuinely considered dropping out of uni and getting a full time job; just so I can get out.

There's got to be something better than in the middle.

And there is! I've recently moved to Southampton so that I could attend university; so I thought I'd start up my blog again.

I have to say, that moving here was probably the best things I have ever done. Obviously I miss home a lot, but not as much as I thought I would. It's definitely been difficult having to leave my mum and my friends (and most importantly my cat) at home, but I realised after the first night that I'm going to be back soon. I can't dwell on the fact that I miss what I'm used to. Despite how much I hate change, I knew that this would be the most challenging part of my life to date, and I also know that I'm too stubborn to give up.

We've had our introductory week this week, and I met a lot of people from my class, whom I have been going out with in town, and learning the student relationship with alcohol. And so far, I have really been loving it here. I think that the most difficult part for me, was moving into a house with people that I have never met before, which led to me being quite reluctant when it came to meeting them, and wanting to get to know them. Although even this has been easier than I thought it would be. I have two housemates from Bulgaria, who are lovely. Second years who met in the first year and then decided to live together this year; as a lot of second year students do. Obviously as they know each other they tend to keep to themselves, but they always try and make the effort to talk to me when I come in from uni, which is quite nice.

My third housemate is from Slovakia, and speaks hardly any English at all, which makes it quite hard to have a proper conversation with her. This has meant that we haven't really had the time to get to know eachother, and we haven't spoken very much at all (other than for her to tell me 10 minutes before that she was throwing a party for her boyfriend here).

My friends at uni are actually lovely, and I really enjoy going out with them, and meeting their friends (as they all live in halls) which makes it a lot easier for me to meet people, and a lot easier for me to put myself out there.

As for my actual course, I am quite excited to start on Tuesday, judging by what has happened this past week. But for now, I have to sleep.
So I'll start up again properly on Tuesday :)

Ciao.

If I could change anything, it would be everything.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but this year has started out fairly stressful for me. If not for the fact that I was in hospital over Christmas, I come into New Year with friends, and family; just. But then it started going downhill, when my little brother ended up in hospital due to a blood clot in his leg. He was diagnosed with DVT, which they tested for when they found out that my dad had it. I'm meant to get tested for it soon, but I don't want to know whether I have that or not.
Then, it may seem like the tiniest little thing, but I went out for one of my best friends birthdays, and the night turned out to be a huge drama. She basically stopped talking to me for a while, and we haven't spoken properly since. I've applied for university, and I have two interviews, which I'm really happy about; but incredibly nervous at the same time.
We've been having a lot of trouble with money at the moment, but I don't want to spend this whole blog post complaining. I realised today, that I manage to interact with the internet, a hell of a lot better than I do with my own friends. I started a book yesterday called Home Rules by Jodie Picoult. It's about an boy with aspergers who is accused of murder, and it's so well written I wasn't able to put it down. I love the way that Jodie Picoult shows the experiences of each of the protagonists within her stories, and it's so interesting to see the different points-of-views of each character. I was thinking about the similarities between this boy and I. I'm not saying I have aspergers, I know that I don't. But the way that he looks at the world was so interesting to think about, for instance the way that he can't read peoples emotions, and he takes everything literally. Sometimes, I can't understand the way that people say one thing, but mean another. I'm quite brutally honest, so most of the time you have to take me as I come, due to the fact that if I say something, theres a 99% chance that I'm serious, as this boy is, due to the fact that he doesn't understand anything different. I don't really know how to explain it, but there was a section in there, about how the boy would consider people his friends, although they may not do the same; and it got me thinking about how many people I can actually consider friends. Before this, I felt that I had quite a few, but upon reflection I've worked out that I think I have two actual friends. One that lives in Swansea, and half of the time I feel like our relationship is falling apart as well; and another who lives not as far away, but we literally can't afford to see eachother.
I don't want to write a stupidly large post, but I have decided today that I'm going to start a 365 day self portrait thing, hoping that it will help me not only to overcome some of my insecurities, but to realise why I feel as I do sometimes, and I think that this will be really useful to me.
I'll probably post them on here as well as my flickr, it was just a thought though.

Happy New Year :)!

I know I'm a tad late, but I've been super busy with everything. To start off with, I had the flu which I ended up in hospital for which was lame because I'm scared of needles and they said they were going to put me on a drip which never happened luckily.
Then with Christmas and New Years I just haven't had the time.
I thought I'd blog today because I've just come back from the most epic new years ever, I went to Swansea and spent it with Hannah and some of her friends, and it was so much fun. I've seriously lost out on so many nights sleep, and I'm still not feeling great but I loved it and now I miss Hannah a lot :( We had a huge heart to heart last night and it was beautiful, we were discussing my university choice, and she told me to do it because she thinks it will be really good for me as it was for her. So I'm definitely going now if I can get in anywhere that is :/
This was just a quick update because at the moment I'm watching Sabrina the teenage witch, and I definitely can't miss out on that. But I will update tomorrow when I come back from my first day back at college.

New Years Resolutions:

• Stop being so miserable all the time.
• Stay a size 6.
• Stop smoking.

Peace out.

I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me.

This weekend has been so busy, I've literally been doing things
non-stop, but I don't mind. And here is the story why.
As everyone knows, I've been so down the past few weeks, and I can't really explain why. Chelsea told me that to make me feel better I should go out on Thursday. I didn't really want to, but I thought that as I had got my 3 distinctions in Journalism, I should go out and celebrate.
I met Tyler after work, and we went back to hers and made some dinner, which was pretty tasty. And we started drinking at like half 5. We got ready and waited for Chelsea to come over, and Tyler was drunk by the time that Chelsea had got there. I don't blame her really, as we had gone through a bottle of Archers, making glasses of about 4 shots of Archers to a tiny bit of lemonade. And then when Chelsea got there, she had about 2 glasses of Apple Sourz and lemonade, and got smashed, for some reason I was the only sober one.
Anyway, we got a cab up town, and then we were sitting in spoons with some of Tyler's friends. Chelsea and Tyler sat on their blackberry's, and I don't really know the people we were sitting with, but they had no intention of getting to know me, so I just kind of sat in silence.
Shortly after that, at about half 12, I was considering going home, Chelsea had already started crying about a boy, Tyler was drunk complaining about a boy, and I was completely sober with no money to drink. And then Chelsea just said "One second" and rushed off leaving me and Tyler at the table. I was so confused, and then when I turned around Hannah had appeared in Spoons.
I almost cried, I was so happy to see her.

I still wasn't to happy though, and I really wanted to go home, but I went to CM's with her because the whole reason she had come down on Thursday night was to surprise me, which made me so happy. And we had a pretty good night. When we got a cab home though, she had realised that she hadn't brought her keys, so I told her that she could stay at mine, that mum wouldn't mind and we'd find a way to confuse her in the morning. When we got in at about 4, I walked into the bathroom and my mum called me to see if I'd only just got in. I told her that I had a surprise and then Hannah walked in. She told me she already knew about it, which made me realise how much of a closely guarded secret it was. Then we went out together on Friday night for my friends birthday, and had quite a laugh, it was so much fun to see everyone from the old college crew and see what everyone was doing with their lives. It made me realise that it isn't that bad still being at college, because at least I'm doing something to go towards what I actually want to do, which is better than some of them who didn't go to university and are now in full time jobs. And then work from 9am to 6pm, which went faster than I thought it would, and also gives me more money, so I might actually be able to afford some Christmas presents and start saving up for New Years. Things are looking up :')
Oh, and I hope Matt Cardle wins XFactor tonight. Just saying.

Just give me one more shot, 'cos in my mind it's all I've got

So while I'm waiting for Gossip Girl to buffer, hear the shocking realisation from earlier.
I've was thinking about it earlier whilst I went to get money out that I owed Chelsea, my last £10 of the week. And it came to my attention, that I don't know why I'm getting so excited about going to Swansea for New Years. Unless I come into a lot of money at Christmas there is not a hope in hell of me being able to afford it. I'm so unbelievably skint that I can't even afford food at the moment, and my teachers are beginning to think I'm anorexic because they're forcing me to go out for lunch now, I don't have enough heart to say that I don't want to go out because I have no money.
And then I look around my room, and I try to find things that I may possibly be able to sell, my television? My laptop? My ipod? My phone. And I realised that my television and my laptop are worth nothing, and that I probably couldn't live without my phone or my ipod.
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm selfish. I want everything that I can't have. I want to be able to go out and buy new things, but not have to work for them. I want to be able to go out with friends, and not have to worry about the amount of money that I spend.
I also worked out, that I'm out of sync. My friends are out having fun, and talking to eachother every day. But because of these stupid moods that I get in that Lewis likes to call "Jas Breakdowns" I alienate myself from them, which is probably why they're not really talking to me that much, or at least they don't enjoy spending time with me as much as they did.
I'm too moody for everything, I'm too selfish, and I'm too jealous.
Why am I always such a miserable cow? Ew.