Just give me one more shot, 'cos in my mind it's all I've got

So while I'm waiting for Gossip Girl to buffer, hear the shocking realisation from earlier.
I've was thinking about it earlier whilst I went to get money out that I owed Chelsea, my last £10 of the week. And it came to my attention, that I don't know why I'm getting so excited about going to Swansea for New Years. Unless I come into a lot of money at Christmas there is not a hope in hell of me being able to afford it. I'm so unbelievably skint that I can't even afford food at the moment, and my teachers are beginning to think I'm anorexic because they're forcing me to go out for lunch now, I don't have enough heart to say that I don't want to go out because I have no money.
And then I look around my room, and I try to find things that I may possibly be able to sell, my television? My laptop? My ipod? My phone. And I realised that my television and my laptop are worth nothing, and that I probably couldn't live without my phone or my ipod.
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm selfish. I want everything that I can't have. I want to be able to go out and buy new things, but not have to work for them. I want to be able to go out with friends, and not have to worry about the amount of money that I spend.
I also worked out, that I'm out of sync. My friends are out having fun, and talking to eachother every day. But because of these stupid moods that I get in that Lewis likes to call "Jas Breakdowns" I alienate myself from them, which is probably why they're not really talking to me that much, or at least they don't enjoy spending time with me as much as they did.
I'm too moody for everything, I'm too selfish, and I'm too jealous.
Why am I always such a miserable cow? Ew.