After another break, I'm attempting to write my blog.
And now it's the time of year that I hate. I absolutely despise Christmas and some people underestimate why. It's not that I don't like the presents, or the feeling when you wake up, or the whole *father christmas* thing, that my mum still does even though she knows that I found out about that stuff when I was about 7.
Everyone consider's Christmas to be a time for family, and it used to be before my mum and dad broke up. Me, Connor, Aiden, Mum, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Nan, Grandad, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins; all spending the day together and having a nice time. How things have changed.
After I got kicked out, Christmas had pretty much been me, mum and her alcoholic boyfriend of the time. And it was never anything to particularly look forward to. And this year in particular, being just me and mum.
Yesterday I had a huge argument with my brother Connor over facebook, yeah I know; how pathetic. It was over the fact that I haven't seen him since August, because he's "too busy" to make time for his family now. I told him he was turning into a "c***t" just like his father, but none of what I said to him could ever, deserve what he said to me.
And I basically cried, I broke down in the kitchen of my little brother's, girlfriends mum.
After a lovely, but extremely cold day, it turned to who used to be my best friend telling me that everything that had happened was my fault, that I was a fuck up who ruined people's lives, and that the only reason he never came down to see mum, was because he couldn't stand me.
You might not think those words are that harsh, but coming from my own brother, it was extremely hard to hear them.
I ended up actually believing that all of the drama that had happened between our family was my fault, and when Hannah phoned me (from Wales where she is at Uni) I cried again.
She'd calmed me down a bit, a long with Rhys, her housemate, who never seems to be too far when I'm crying down the phone to her.
With all that calmed, I then recieved a blackberry message from Chelsea telling me her Great Grandad, who she was very close to, had died. She asked me if she could phone me, and I just listened to her cry, and let her know that I was there for her, although I never know what to say in situations like this.
To add to that, I was then trying to help Becky (again over blackberry, this thing has become my life, sadly enough) with her boyfriend troubles.
I found it an extremely stressful day, but giving advice definitely helped me sort myself out, and try and forget about what had happened to me, although I'm pretty sure it's not over.

So to get back on to the subject, all I want for Christmas is my family back to normal, and not hating eachother as they do now. Then Christmas might actually be something to look forward to.