All I wanted was a place to call my own.

I think today I worked out, that if I were friends with me, I would definitely annoy the hell out of myself. I'm paranoid about 97% of the time, about whether my friends are actually friends with me, or whether they're actually my enemies friends, only hanging around with me to try and find out something to hold against me. I know this sounds so pathetic, but it just comes into my mind sometimes and I'm not able to get it out. So it's always this little doubt in the back of my mind, stopping me from having as much fun as I can. As well as this; I feel like one of the most negative people on the face of the Earth. Nothing is ever good enough for me, I never look as good compared to my friends, I'm never clever enough, or funny enough, or outgoing enough.
I know I probably sound like a majority of the teenagers in the entire world, and really I'm not that unlucky at all, but there is always something wrong.
Since Hannah left to go to university, I literally feel like I rely on her to have a good time. Sometimes I don't think she realises how much I actually do rely on her, and I hate being stuck in Harlow, knowing that while she's in Swansea having fun, and learning something new and actually persuing a career in what she wants to do in university; I'm stuck here, working in a dead-end job and probably not actually going to get the grades I need for Southampton.
Just a few thoughts going through my head right now.
Today turned out not to be the lay in day that I had wanted. To be fair, I did get out of bed at about 11, but after trying to look for my charger for Roxy (my beautiful camera), I got ready and left the house with my two huge photography folders to go to college. It was probably the best idea for me, because I am incredibly far behind, and I did actually get quite a bit of work done; but when I got there at 12.30, and left at 6pm, I wasn't too happy with the amount of time that I'd actually spent in front of a mac, and the amount of work I got done for 5 and a half hours.
I met the lovliest man on my way to college as well; I don't know his name, but whilst I was having a cigarette before the bus came, I smiled at him as I do with most people. We talked for a while, and before you think "Wow, she's pulled" he was 85, and he was telling me about how it used to be when he actually paid for buses, and you could get on a bus for 1 tuppence. I found this really interesting, and he's definitely one of the lovliest old people I've ever met. He made my day a little bit better.
And now that I'm at home, waiting for the Students Question time at 8pm, I'm getting slightly irritated over how lonely I actually feel at the moment. My 2 best friends are going to see Harry Potter tonight, and I didn't even get asked. The only reason I found out about it, was a call from one of them to say "Me and Chelsea are going to see Harry Potter tonight, can you send me the code for orange wednesdays?". This is what I mean, I probably wouldn't go anyway, due to the fact that I'm trying to save money to go to Swansea for new years, and I've already seen Harry Potter, so why get annoyed? Sometimes I confuse myself so much.