If I could change anything, it would be everything.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but this year has started out fairly stressful for me. If not for the fact that I was in hospital over Christmas, I come into New Year with friends, and family; just. But then it started going downhill, when my little brother ended up in hospital due to a blood clot in his leg. He was diagnosed with DVT, which they tested for when they found out that my dad had it. I'm meant to get tested for it soon, but I don't want to know whether I have that or not.
Then, it may seem like the tiniest little thing, but I went out for one of my best friends birthdays, and the night turned out to be a huge drama. She basically stopped talking to me for a while, and we haven't spoken properly since. I've applied for university, and I have two interviews, which I'm really happy about; but incredibly nervous at the same time.
We've been having a lot of trouble with money at the moment, but I don't want to spend this whole blog post complaining. I realised today, that I manage to interact with the internet, a hell of a lot better than I do with my own friends. I started a book yesterday called Home Rules by Jodie Picoult. It's about an boy with aspergers who is accused of murder, and it's so well written I wasn't able to put it down. I love the way that Jodie Picoult shows the experiences of each of the protagonists within her stories, and it's so interesting to see the different points-of-views of each character. I was thinking about the similarities between this boy and I. I'm not saying I have aspergers, I know that I don't. But the way that he looks at the world was so interesting to think about, for instance the way that he can't read peoples emotions, and he takes everything literally. Sometimes, I can't understand the way that people say one thing, but mean another. I'm quite brutally honest, so most of the time you have to take me as I come, due to the fact that if I say something, theres a 99% chance that I'm serious, as this boy is, due to the fact that he doesn't understand anything different. I don't really know how to explain it, but there was a section in there, about how the boy would consider people his friends, although they may not do the same; and it got me thinking about how many people I can actually consider friends. Before this, I felt that I had quite a few, but upon reflection I've worked out that I think I have two actual friends. One that lives in Swansea, and half of the time I feel like our relationship is falling apart as well; and another who lives not as far away, but we literally can't afford to see eachother.
I don't want to write a stupidly large post, but I have decided today that I'm going to start a 365 day self portrait thing, hoping that it will help me not only to overcome some of my insecurities, but to realise why I feel as I do sometimes, and I think that this will be really useful to me.
I'll probably post them on here as well as my flickr, it was just a thought though.